Friends

There are alot of things I could blog about right now. Like how roast beef ramen doesn't taste like roast beef, but rather some unidentifiable kind of meat. It's true!

Alot of stuff has happened this week. Well, not quite many things, but one huge, terrible event that shook my school and all the students who go there. So many thoughts because of it. I'd rather not blog about it...I would feel weird, like, I didn't know him so why should I have the right to talk about how his death changed me? Maybe someday. But not now. <3


Tonight, I would like to write about my friends please. I've been thinkin alot about them lately, how important they are to me, how I couldn't possibly live without them. But I'm also worried about my friendships. This past year, there was a large ordeal with 5 of my closest friends. Long story short, I still don't know where I messed up and what I did wrong, and I don't know if I'm gonna get these friends back. And I was alright, you know? I was hurt by the fault in the friendships, but I knew even if I missed them, I could carry on, and maybe someday we could rekindle our friendships. And I knew that I could depend on the other friends I have, the ones who helped me out with this ordeal. But now I feel like I'm doubting that a bit.
I'm doubting if my friends feel the same way about me as I feel about them. My friends, the closest ones to me, are my family. They are my brothers and sisters and without them I would be lost. And that's the truth, I love all of them very,very much. But I'm worried that I'm gonna lose them, that our friendships are gonna get hurt. Partially because of what happened with the other 5 friends. I'm afraid that I did (or am going to do) something that I don't realize makes them feel differently about me, and not want to be my friends anymore. It's kinda silly, I know. I'm really scared though. I hate not knowing what I've done to upset someone and I just don't want to lose anyone. I know that the transition to college is gonna take a toll on all of my close friendships; we won't see each other as often, and we really gotta try at keeping in touch, I mean you know how that goes. And I'm not writing this in like the "clingy-friend" kinda way. Honestly, I have beautiful people in my life that I just don't want to let go.

What if we forget about each other? What if something happens to someone? It's one of those things in life that I am scared shitless about but know that I gotta suck it up and not complain and hope for the best.


The basic point of this rant: I don't want to make mistakes. I pray to God that people forgive for what I've done. I hope people know how much they mean to me.
Please, God, keep us all together.